Dear Families,

As the calendar turns to November, you can count on your student being busy juggling their life on campus. They may be sitting on some important feelings, including stress. They’re also probably wondering about grades, whether they are acing a class or not doing so well, and if they should keep or drop a course. I encourage you to talk to your student about these — and other — matters and offer your support. This is a great opportunity for you to help your student reflect upon their experiences and to suggest they seek support from any of the many student support systems — the HUB, their academic adviser, the Writing Center, their House dean and don — here on campus.

Explore F&M academic support

Thanksgiving Break

November 27 - December 1

For some of you, Thanksgiving break will be your Diplomat’s first visit home (or at least the longest) since they began their semester and a great time to reconnect. We hope families will engage in conversations to learn more about your Diplomat’s experiences so far. It may also be helpful to acknowledge that this can be a challenging time, as students have started to get familiar with a sense of freedom in college and coming back to household expectations can be an adjustment.

It’s a good idea to have some conversations about expectations before they arrive home. Most students will enjoy a long night’s sleep initially, but once they wake up, it’s important they know what’s expected of them. Communicating early and clearly about your expectations is great, regarding seeing family, visiting with friends, being at a Thanksgiving meal, going to services as a family, etc. This first visit home is made less stressful if expectations are clear.

Not going home…

While many F&M students will return home over College breaks, others may find themselves staying on campus due to travel distances. Still others may visit with the families of their friends or roommates or take the opportunity to travel. Offering to host a roommate or friend for the break is a wonderful way to extend your F&Mily and learn more about your own student.  

The College provides housing for any student needing or wishing to stay on campus. For Thanksgiving break, around 200 students typically register to stay. We encourage students to begin planning for their break early, because dining halls are closed during these times. Your student will receive a notification from the Housing Office about break registration and the expectations for building and kitchen access. 

While it is possible to take advantage of the quiet on campus in contemplation and meditation, there are many ways to stay active. If there is a holiday coming up, throw a themed party. Host a friendsgiving, explore local parks, coordinate a gift exchange, experience Lancaster’s First Friday or just invite some friends over and binge-watch every single “Harry Potter” movie in a row. The possibilities are endless.

Learn more about Thanksgiving break

Winter is Coming

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the weather in central Pennsylvania, it can get pretty cold this time of year. For students who are returning home, we recommend swapping out warm- weather clothes for jackets, sweaters, hoodies and whatever else they like to wear. We recommend they also get the flu vaccine while they are with you over the Thanksgiving break, if they haven’t received it yet. We are already seeing signs of flu in and around campus, so getting this should help.

Conversation Starters: Questions You Might Ask Your Student Over Break

I recently read an article from a colleague at Virginia Tech, David Tuttle, and wanted to share his insights with you. In it, he suggests that as you prepare for your student to be home for Thanksgiving break, even if it is just for a little while, take the time to ask a handful of meaningful questions and listen to your student. Listening can help your student see you as someone they can talk to about most anything.

1. “What have you learned in your classes?”
   
   There can be many variations of this. What was your favorite class? Who was your favorite instructor? What was the most impactful? You can tell from how they respond to you the things that get them excited and are leading to new passions. Note: Spring course registration takes place the first week of November. It is a good opportunity to also ask what they are excited about for next term.
   
   
2. “What are you learning from activities and are they fun?”
   
   Both of these things matter. We learn a lot from what we do. It may not be the tasks but rather the experience or the people. It may be sports, music, drama, clubs, internships or work — find out what your student is learning outside of the classroom and how they feel about it. This will give you a glimpse into those areas that will impact their experiences.
   
   
3. “Who are you closest to these days?”
   
   The first friends are often not the last ones at college. Students often latch onto those they live near, or with, initially. As they spend more time on campus, they meet others from classes and activities. As they progress, they will find their people, the ones with whom they share passions, interests and values. You can learn a lot about how your student is socially by asking who they hang out with, what they like about them and what they do.

A quick note: While it is nice if everything is going well, if you learn that things aren’t all perfect, that is just as important. How can they get more out of their experiences? Are they in the right major? Can they find other ways to meet people? Can they get to the gym, volunteer, eat better, join a totally different club than they normally would, apply to be a house adviser and take other safe risks? If you can’t help them navigate this, you can help them find a person on campus or a counselor who may help them dig deeper.

With warmth and appreciation, 

Douglas Adams
Office of Student Affairs