Dear Families,

As the calendar turns to November, one thing we can always count on is students being busy, juggling all their different campus roles and preparing for the end of the semester. They may also be working through important feelings, including stress. They’re probably wondering about grades, whether they are acing a class or not doing so well, or if they should keep or drop a course. They are also wondering about the upcoming breaks, travel logistics, and what it might be like to return home or not. 

You can help your student reflect on their experiences by offering a listening ear. If they are struggling academically, you might suggest they seek support from any of the many campus support systems: The HUB, their academic adviser, FAM, the Writing Center, the Counseling Center, peer academic coaches, their house director and their don. We’re all here to help with their journey. 

Explore F&M academic support

Thanksgiving and Winter Break

The upcoming Thanksgiving Break may be your Diplomat’s first visit home (or at least the longest) and a great time to reconnect. We want to acknowledge that this also can be a challenging time. Regardless of how much you have stayed in touch through texts, phone calls and FaceTime chats, you and your student have been living different lives with different daily experiences.  

Now is a great time to have conversations about expectations for the break, before they arrive home. To set a little context for the families of new students, many of them will take the first couple of days to sleep – so much, you’ll start to wonder if they ever plan to get out of bed! But once they wake up, it’s important they know what’s expected of them. Communicating early and clearly about your expectations is great, regarding seeing family, visiting with friends, being at a Thanksgiving or other holiday meal, going to services as a family, etc. As Brene Brown would say, “Clear is kind.” This break can be less stressful if you’ve talked things through so that everyone is on the same page.

Not going home?

While most students return home over College breaks, some may visit with the families of their friends or roommates, or take the opportunity to travel rather than going home. Offering to host a roommate or friend for a break is a wonderful way to extend your F&Mily and learn more about your own student.  

The College also provides housing for any student who needs to stay on campus due to travel distances. Typically, about 200 students register to stay over Thanksgiving. Dozens will remain on campus for the longer Winter Break. If your student will be staying on campus, we encourage them to begin planning for their break early. Dining halls are closed during these times and campus services are minimal. Your student will receive a notification from the Housing Office about break registration, as well as how to access buildings, food options, kitchens, and support services. They should watch for this notification.

Students who stay often take advantage of the quiet on campus in contemplation and meditation. There are many ways they can stay active. They might host a “friendsgiving,” explore local parks, coordinate a gift exchange, experience Lancaster’s First Fridays, or binge-watch the “Harry Potter” series with friends. The possibilities are endless.

Winter is Coming

For those who aren’t familiar with the weather in central Pennsylvania, it can get pretty cold this time of year, especially for students from more southern climes. For students who are returning home, we recommend swapping out warm-weather clothes for jackets, sweaters, hoodies and whatever else they like to wear. The extended Thanksgiving Break is also a good time to get a flu shot. We are already seeing signs of flu in and around campus, so having this protection should help. 

Conversation Starters: Questions You Might Ask Your Student Over Break

As you prepare for your student to be home for Thanksgiving and/or Winter Break, please try to take the time to really listen to them. They have been experiencing a parallel life for the last few months. Listening can help your student see you as someone they can talk to about most anything. Suggested questions for families: 

1. “What have you learned in your classes?”
   
   There can be many variations of this. What was your favorite class? Who was your favorite instructor? What was the most impactful? You should be able to tell from how they respond to you the things that get them excited, and what is leading to new passions. Note: Spring course registration took place the first week of November. It is a good opportunity to also ask what they are excited about for next term.
   
   
2. “What are you learning from activities and are they fun?”
   
   Both of these things matter. We learn a lot from what we do. It may not be the tasks but rather the experience or the people. It may be sports, music, drama, clubs, internships or work – find out what your student is learning outside the classroom and how they feel about it. This will give you a glimpse into the areas that will impact their experiences.
   
   
3. “Who are you closest to these days?”
   
   The first friends are often not the last ones at college. Students often latch onto those they live near, or with, initially. As they spend more time on campus, they meet others from classes and activities. As they progress, they will find their “people,” the ones with whom they share passions, interests and values. You can learn a lot about how your student is socially by asking who they hang out with, what they like about them, and what they do.
   
   A quick note: While it would be nice if everything was going well, if you learn that things aren’t all perfect, that is just as important. How can they get more out of their experiences? Are they in the right major? Can they find other ways to meet people? Can they get to the gym, volunteer, eat better, join a totally different club than they normally would, apply for a job or to be an HA, and take other safe risks? If you can’t help them navigate this, you can help them find a person on campus or a counselor who may help them dig deeper. We are here to help. 

 

With warmth and appreciation, 

Douglas Adams
Office of Student Affairs